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My parenting 101 with boys

By: C skyhawk, Thu Jun 22nd, 2006 11:27:42 PM

I have two children, live in a very old house ( that i rent for twice the amount its worth.. but eh, thats life) work two jobs, study and yes at times i have to be a parent and role model for my two children. Oh, and did i mention im a single mom??

So there you have it, a little information about myself. :)

I have to say, that i have been blessed with two beautiful children, who almost always behave themselves and i have never had any serious problems with them.

My daughter is 10 and my son is 8. Great ages you would think. Guess again.

My daughter has all of a sudden lost her brain in her sleep and has become a complete Air head. (Mom, wheres my shoes?? ohh.. hahaha.. there on my feet. never mind mom. while i just stare in amazement)

And my son, has all of sudden become this burning ball of anger, about to explode at a moments notice.

My daughter, i can handle.Im sure the aliens that stole her brain, will bring it back when they no longer have any use for it.

But my son on the other matter, well he is a hard case.

So i tried several things as we all do (&quot;Go to your room.. Go away.. shut up.. please stop.. stop it now.. i swear if you do it one more time.. Just do it one more time!!!.. Why did you do it one more time&quot;)and none of them never work, looking back on it.. I realise, no wonder the boy is confused look at what im telling him.

So i began researching, seeing doctors, and we are still in the process of helping him deal with his anger.

See, my son is the only man in the house, with no male role model to follow, he has to make his own model of what he thinks would be the job of a man in the house. At the age of 8 they are in the border or the inbetweens of Thinking they are grown up and Being a kid.

Ye, sure its alright to be a kid when the play station is on or the cartoons on telivision, but when its time to do chores, he is neither man or boy .. he is a baby. And then when another man comes into the picture, then all of a sudden he is man as well and has to compete.

The typical animal kingdom structure of dominant male verses dominant male.

So how do we fix the problem?

With my son i had to try various things and keep working at it every day. I had to keep a book of all the things that did work and what didnt.

The first thing i had to change was how i was to punish him.

Sending a child to his room, can create an unhealthy atmosphere for the child. Because each time he will go to his room he will unconciously think he is being punished for something. Which then triggers anger and resentment, because there is no reason for him to be punished.

So we changed his room around, so he can start off fresh. changing the look, changes those visual triggers of punishment that he has stored in his brain from previously being sent to his room. We spruced it up a bit, with some of his favourite posters and drawings and toys.

We then decided on a new place for punishment. we both decided so that way he has no reason to say he didnt know. We decided on a place where there is nothing to distract him and i can also keep an eye on him while he is being punished. the watchful eye is always important as kids know when your not paying attention and will try and get away with it.

We then decided we will do a stand and decide rule.

If he is asked to do something, and chooses not to do it. he has to explain why, if its valid then i might give him another task instead.

If not then he will stand or sit at his punishment point until has rethought it over and decided to do it. ( i love that bit)

If he chooses not to explain to me why he doesnt want to do it, then he will have to go and stand and decide until he chooses to explain to me and do his task.

This way, he has all the power over how long his punishment is.

It can be quick, it can be long, it can be no punishment at all.

Next we set up mommy time. I used to do mommy time when they were younger, but as they got older i thought it wasnt something they needed. Well after a long chat with my son, i realised it was something he wanted and needed.

Mommy time is a set time away from other children, other people, where you spend 1 on 1 time with your child. it can be for 30 mins or more. You can do it once a week or once a day.

the longer you leave it then its better to increase the time. Maybe even do a special event. Get the other children baby sat and spend a couple of hours with your child 1 on 1, maybe go to the movies etc. Your child will get excited and wont be able to wait.

I know if you have more than one child, its hard to do mommy time or daddy time. But making the effort is worth it in the long run.

We also set up techniques, things he can do when he gets angry.

If he feels he is being bullied he has a set sentence to say such as &quot;I dont appreciate being bullied like that. Please stop it. &quot;

This way other people are aware of his feelings.

We also set up a relaxing method, he will go to his room, lay down read a book, or take a relaxing bath.

He can also write or draw what has made him angry. I may not have time to view it right away, but at the end of the day, the drawings or writing can be handed to me and i can see what has upset my child.

Parents be prepared to view things about yourself as well. You might be the one that has made him angry or upset.Allowing him to tell you without interupting is essential.

There are many things and techniques you can do and use to assist your child to grow up healthy and happy.

We all hit bumps in the road, no matter how good we think we are.

But its how we over come those bumps, that make the difference and in the long run, its how it shapes our children for the future.

Till next time.. Wopila Tanka, Toksa Ake.

I better run, my daughter has lost her shoes again!!! errr

Written by : Carolina A Skyhawk

From the Nativelandz Magazine at http://www.nativelandz.net/mag/ For more of skyhawks articles visit the magazine or contact Nativelandz at nl_admin@nativelandz.net&quot;

Keywords: Native american, american indian, aboriginal, indigenous, lakota, parenting, boys, children, family

About the Author Carolina Skyhawk, nl_admin@nativelandz.net More Details about native american, parenting, children here. Carolina Skyhawk a Lakota/Sioux native, has transformed her life from ruins to a Ceo of a Non-Proft Org. She developed this philosophy in a simple, easy to master method, when she was at the lowest point of her life. To contact Carolina via email : nl_admin@nativelandz.net or visit her website at http://www.nativelandz.net

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