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Naming the Emotion

By: Bruce Taylor, Thu Dec 8th, 2005 08:43:56 PM

b>Naming the Emotion

Bruce Taylor

copyright Unison Coaching

Pretend that you're in a big meeting and your friend Alex stands up and presents one of your ideas as his own - he has stolen your work! You're hurt and furious, but you have to swallow the emotions because you can't start screaming in front of the whole meeting. How can you cope with negative emotions like anger, fear, or disgust when you can't express them openly?

One approach is simply to name the emotion. When you start to get upset stop for a moment and look at your own emotions, then simply say their names to yourself. Your internal dialogue might be:

"I feel angry at Alex for stealing my idea."

"I feel betrayed by the managers for believing him."

"I feel embarassed that I didn't see this coming."

It' not important whether the emotions are fair or deserved - you just have to acknowlege them explicitly. Naming the emotions will help take the edge off them by moving them from the realm of pure feeling to a place where you can think about them and set them aside for a while.

And then after the meeting, you can go tell Alex what a weasel he is.

About the author: Bruce Taylor is the owner and principal of Unison Coaching, and helps people deal with difficult tasks and decisions in their lives. Bruce specializes in helping workers cope with difficult workplaces and stressful jobs. He can be reached at bruce_taylor@unisoncoaching.com.

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