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10 Ways to Prevent a Break Up
By: Patricia Fason, Fri Dec 9th, 2005 04:32:40 PM
The question I am asked most often is: I think he/she is
getting ready to leave me. What do I do? There isn't an easy
answer for this or there wouldn’t be any break ups. Every
situation is different and sometimes breakups are inevitable.
However this is not always the case and there are things you can
do before you reach the breaking point that will help.
Here are the 10 most important
things: - Communicate. Communication is important.
If you find that when you try to communicate your feelings to
your partner it always leads to an argument, try writing your
feelings down. Read through what you’ve written. If you find
things that are just petty problems with no real validity,
eliminate them. Try to find the sources behind your words. For
example, jealousy, are you jealous because you know he/she is
cheating, or does it go deeper? Did someone cheat on you in the
past and now you don’t trust anyone? Is your partner giving you
what you need to feel secure? Once you realize where the
feelings are coming from, you can address fixing the problem.
- Resist making accusations. Approach your partner
calmly, without being defensive. Tell him/her the problem. Don’t
be accusing or they will become defensive and yes, you will end
up in an argument. If you find it’s easier to write it in a
letter, then do so. Leave while they read it so you aren’t
hovering over them, waiting for their reaction. Let them process
what you have said. Again, do not be accusing. Tell them you
want to make your relationship better. Have suggestions for BOTH
of you, not just them. Be sure you know the core problem and
aren’t just mentioning a symptom.
- Refrain from
insulting your partner during arguments. Fighting dirty can
quickly become a habit and eventually someone will say something
that the other person cannot forget, or worse, forgive.
- Take time to tell your partner why you love
him/her. Not once, but often. This can be something as small
as a compliment on how they look. Your partner needs to know you
appreciate them. Don’t just assume they know. Everyone likes to
be reminded they are loved.
- Be supportive and look
for ways to give your partner the things they need the most.
Even if they don’t tell you what they need, you can figure it
out if you pay attention. Some people have a hard time telling
you what they need but there are clues. If you’re not sure, ask.
- Don’t neglect yourself. If your needs aren’t
being met, find a way to let your partner know. If you are
unhappy, you will eventually blame your partner. It’s much
easier to let them know, in a positive way, the things you
need.
- Never try to solve a problem when you are
angry. Take time to cool down. I know this can seem
impossible at times but think about it. Is anything ever really
solved when you are yelling at each other?
- Set aside
some time for just the two of you. If not once a week, then
at least once a month. This should be quality, alone time,
however you two choose to spend it. You might try arranging a
specific day each week and take turns planning what you will
do.
- Discuss decisions that affect the both of you and
try to find a solution that will keep you both happy. Never
make an important decision that affects you both without talking
to your partner.
- Don’t Lie! Everyone lies
occasionally. It’s in our nature. This isn’t an excuse to lie to
your partner. Every time you are caught in a lie, a little more
trust is taken away. A healthy relationship requires trust.
Never ever lie about things important to the relationship.
You’re better off facing the music if you’ve done something
wrong then being caught in a lie.
- This won’t keep you
together but it is important to mention. Know when it’s time
to leave and make the break. Don’t let anyone use you or
abuse you. Most problems can be worked out if both people in the
relationship make an effort to improve things. There are some
exceptions. It’s time to leave if the relationship becomes
abusive. Do not hope things will get better because he/she says
they will change. Leave! If at some future time they actually do
change, you can consider getting back together then. Another
deal breaker is infidelity. If your partner cheats on you, there
is a good chance that even if you do stay together, the trust
that keeps a relationship alive will be gone. I’m not saying you
can’t survive it, but it will take a great deal of effort from
both people and your partner will have to stop. Never give them
more than one chance to do so or you will be setting yourself up
for a very destructive emotional roller coaster. If your partner
sees that it’s possible to cheat and you will keep forgiving,
why would they change?
©2005 Patricia Fason
(Article continued below)
About the author:
Patricia Fason is a writer and poet whose main focus is
relationships. She is listed as an ezine articles expert author,
a buzzle author and has provided articles exclusively to
websites and ezines. To see more of her work, visit her website
dedicated to romance at Sites
O Web Romances You.
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