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Andrea Bocelli

By: Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, Fri Dec 9th, 2005 05:31:40 PM

If just reading that phrase hits you in the pit of your stomach, you’re not alone. We don’t like to say goodbye. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, divorce, moving, outgrowing a lifetime friendship, sending someone off to war, watching a patient die, retiring from a profession, or finding you can no longer connect with someone who once meant the world to you, when it’s time to say goodbye, it tears apart the fabric of our souls.

I remember sending my first son off to college. “It’s time,” I told myself, “it’s what we want,” and I maintained a cheerful smile until he left out the front door with his father. Then I fell against the door, in tears. That it was time didn’t make it any easier.

Later, when I was called to the Intensive Care Unit of a hospital miles away, and found it was time to say goodbye to my beloved younger son, just 21 years old, I thought I would go with him.

I suffer each time I must say goodbye. Do you? It’s our only choice, unless we become numb.

We know that to everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven. “A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew, a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.” (Eccl 3:1-8) And a time to say goodbye.

Because I coach, and often work with people in transition, I hear the sorrow of the goodbyes and the struggle to know when, if there’s a choice, and how, always. When it’s time to say goodbye to playing tennis because the osteoarthritis’s gotten too bad; when it’s time to say goodbye to the practice and hang up the shingle, because it’s getting too litigious, or simply too boring; when it’s time to say goodbye to hopes of a concave belly, because nothing works any more; when it’s time to say goodbye to hair and welcome baldness; when it’s time to say goodbye to the spouse you love and file for divorce because they have core n’grato and haven’t come home in months, but neither one of you wants to be the first to say goodbye.

What do we do when it’s time to say goodbye? I include art, literature and music in my EQ Foundation Course, and coach certification program, because they are a good way to deal with some of the harder emotional things in life, a way that’s accessible, works, and doesn’t harm oneself or others, or end up causing a second problem on top of the first one as medication such as prescription drugs, alcohol and street drugs can do.

Music has a special ability to soothe. “There is no feeling, except the extremes of fear and grief, that does not find relief in music,” wrote George Eliot.

The producer of the movie “Together” writes about the time period in China when all forms of western arts were forbidden, including western classical music. He and a friend hid in a darkened room to listen to a bootleg recording of Bach.

“We indulged in the music silently,” he wrote. “In tears we stared at each other. As long as human beings are still suffering from agony, classical music will arise from the dark to console our souls and re-inject confidence and hopes into our lives.” Classical music being mainly instrumental, except for opera, which is “wordless” to those of us who don’t understand the language its sung in. Words will pull more on the left brain, and is a distraction. Indeed classical music can be healing.

Andrea Bocelli, who has a legendary voice produced a recording of this magnitude, teaming up with English soprano Sarah Brightman. Brightman, who heard his single, POR TI VOLARÉ (I Will Go with You) suggested changing the title to Con Te Partiro (Time to Say Goodbye), and singing it as a diet at the farewell bout for her friend,German World Light-Heavyweight boxing champion, Henry Maske, known for choosing theme songs for his fights. Maske had asked Brightman to find him the song for his farewell appearance, and she heard Bocelli’s song one night while dining out. She contacted the blind Tuscan singer, known for partnering to produce renditions che scioglie il sangue dint’e vene sai… such as his recordings of “Vivo Per Lei” (I Live for Music) with Giorgia (in Italian), Marta Sanchez (in Spanish), Helene Segara (in French) Judy Weiss (in German) and Sandy Leah Lima (in Portuguese).

Time to Say Goodbye was recorded with the London Symphony Orchestra, and performed the night of Maske’s last fight while the Germans paying tribute to their favorite. It is said that even Maske wept.

And weep we must when it’s time to say goodbye. Damming one feeling, dams them all up, and stunts the pleasure we’ll feel again some day – yes, unless we shut down permanently – and most of us can laugh with abandon far easily than we can cry with abandon.

Time to Say Goodbye is featured on Bocelli’s “Romanza” album, http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0000041OG/susandunnmome-2 0 , and may help you with whatever you must leave, or whatever is being taken from you, because it’s time to say goodbye and we don’t always get to call the shots. Vivo Per Lei, with Giorgia is also on this CD.

What a choice it is for a grand finale and working out those feelings. Written by F. Sartori and L. Quarantotto, it captures the mood of when we have to release our clutching fingers, open our palms, extend them forward and let it go. The fact that it’s in Italian except for the words “Time to say goodbye,” which somehow Brightman enunciates and paces with perfection, adds tremendously to the effect (if you don’t understand Italian, and probably if you do, as well). If you want to read the lyrics, in Italian and English, you can access them here: http://www.abmusica.com/romanza.htm .

Music, according to the American Music Therapy Association, is used in hospitals to alleviate pain, elevate mood, counteract depression, calm or sedate, induce sleep, manage anxiety, lessen muscle tension, and relax the Autonomic Nervous System. Sometimes when nothing else can.

It’s Time to Say Goodbye became the biggest selling single of all time in Germany, with sales approaching 3 million, staying in the top ten for months, and claimed number one spots in France, Holland, Belgium and Switzerland as well.

Bravo! Andrea Bocelli. ---------- Do you live for music? Email for free artistic white paper Vivo Per Lei. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc and put I live for music for subject line.

About the author: ©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Providing coaching, business coaching, Internet courses, ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional development. EQ Alive! coach certification program available internationally – fast, affordable, comprehensive, and no-residency requirement. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free EQ ezine.

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